Learning to listen

Several years ago, I felt envy when I realized that people really did hear God speak to them and tell them what they should do. While I listened with my ears, I didn't listen with my heart and never heard Him when He spoke to me. I was so excited the first time I heard Him, and couldn't wait to follow His wisdom. I learned to listen with my heart and waited for His next lesson for me. Last week, I realized I have been arguing with Him. Can you imagine? Me, a woman of God, who craves His wisdom, prays, and is learning to share His love, arguing with Him. I guess it's a matter of me thinking I know what I want, even when He knows what I need. How many times in my life have I said "No, I'm not going to do that, I don't feel like it, I don't have time, I don't want to do it," only to realize that He is the ultimate truth and the greatest voice, and He will not give up on me, no matter how stubborn I am. It's wonderful to realize this about me, and about Him, and to learn to listen to what He's telling me, to learn to do what He asks of me, no matter my excuse for not doing it. Just last week, while I was telling Him I was too tired to go to Bible Study (when really I was lacking the confidence to walk into a situation I had never been in before with a group of woman I did not know), I clearly heard Him tell me I needed to turn left, toward the church, even as I was in the right turn lane. Reflecting back on that, I feel like a ten year old as I remember saying "Fine! I'll go, but if I don't like it, I"m not going back." He put me in a group with a woman who had just separated from her husband, a woman who educates middle school children, a woman whose oldest child is having a difficult time right now, and the teacher of the group, who works with married couples through the church with the help of her husband. I can't wait until this week when I will meet more of the women in the group who were absent last week. I know they will have wisdom for me, and perhaps even need my wisdom in their lives right now. It's been so great to realize that even as I struggle with my life choices, there are others out there who can benefit from what I have to offer today. I do not have to learn more or experience more or get it "right" in order to pray for someone. I don't have to take more classes or get a degree in order to give someone a hug or tell them they are special. I need to spend more time doing these things in order to learn that I have a lot to offer. I am worthwhile, I am loved and most of all, I am needed. Thank you, Lord, for giving me this outlet to praise you and reflect on your teachings. May Your blessings be abundant in my life and the lives of the people around me. May I learn to spread Your Word to every person I interact with in my daily life, and may Your hand always lead me (and I promise to learn to listen and stop arguing so much). Amen.