Living without him

While there's no question I could never live without God in my life, I often these days question whether I can live without my husband in my life. I hear of wives who have lost their husbands to death and I grieve for them and know I would feel guilt if that were to happen to me. When I think of my sister-in-law, who didn't choose divorce, I feel for her and wish I could take away her heartbreak. But when I think of my marriage, I sometimes just want out. I just want it to be over. I just want us both to walk away and forget it ever was. So, recently, I told him I wanted him to move out. I told him I needed space. He told me he would leave for the weekend. And anytime I needed space, he would leave for the weekend. This was not the answer I wanted. I agreed to give it a try. He left on Friday night. I told him I would be home to see him off. He didn't leave until 7, and I left at the same time to get some dinner and do some shopping. I guess I forgot about my social anxiety. I went through the drive-through and went back home to eat. Saturday, sice I didn't shop on Friday, I planned on shopping. I sat at home and watched Netflix most of the day. I did some house cleaning, but mostly watched TV. I finally showered and went to get dinner around 6:30 that night, once again going through the drive-through and taking it home. Texting with Chuck that night, I asked him to be home in time for dinner Sunday night. I did want to get up and go shopping on Sunday, but really didn't know if it would happen. I got up and took a shower earlier, but still did not leave the house. I have apologized to Chuck, and feel I will continue to apologize for asking hm to move out. He has said if I need him to leave for a weekend, that's what he will do, but he's not moving out. I feel like he has shown me, again, he's not giving up on me. We'll see if this works for us me, and if not, we'll try something else.